Wednesday, January 25, 2012

How to make a first impression.


I had been stationed in Alaska for three months before I met anybody to hang around with. It seems that an indie rock listening to idiot from California is not exactly prime friend material. I had met a few people, but they were the party boys of the dorm. I went to their parties a few times and hung around on base with them. But that’s it. They had no desire to leave the base. I didn’t have a car yet, so I was kind of stuck there. They were my friends for convince purposes more then anything. They tried to get me to dress differently, buy designer clothes, and listen to popular music. Still, we got along and I did have fun with them.
When you don’t hunt or fish, there is not a hell of a lot to do in Alaska.  W mostly sat around watching movies and drink beer. I still wanted more. I saved up and bought a used car. While walking through the halls one day I ran into a guy named Jon. I had a Nine Inch Nails cd in my hands. Jon saw it and asked if it was any good. I told him I hadn’t listened to it yet. We decided to go to his room and give it a listen.  We threw the disc on and talked for the next hour or so about music. Jon asked why he hadn’t seen me around. I told him how I had just gotten there and had been hanging out the other guys. He suggested I tag a long to a party of base with him and some friends.
Later that night Jon knocked on my door. With him were Ben, Mike and Blaine. I had the biggest car so we decided to take mine. We piled in and drove to Fairbanks. They were shocked that I had never been off base. Before the party they directed me around town, pointing out cool things I should go check out. I saw the Northern Lights for the first time. To me they looked like red glowing curtains blowing in the breeze.
We went to the party and I met all of their friends. They were all very nice and accepting. We drank a lot of beer and talked till about two in the morning. We decided to call it a night.
We started driving back to the base. I had to pee. Badly. We drove around looking for a place to stop. We gave up and stopped at a vacant lot. I got out and started.
I heard Jon say “Jim! Cops!”  Again with the Jim, I hated that name. I figured they were fucking with me. I feel a tap on my shoulder.
“Stop what you’re doing.”
“I can’t, I’m pissing.”
I turn around and this big Fairbanks cop is standing there.  
“We just don’t piss wherever we feel like in this state. Next time I suggest you take a leak before you leave. ”
He wrote me a ticket for public urination. He told me he could get me for indecent exposure. I could hear everyone laughing in the car.
I went to court and had to pay $300 bucks for taking a piss outside. It was either pay the money or be placed on the sex offenders list for public masturbation.

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